I'm a Mess but I'm Trying…
For those who don’t know me, I’m Salina Ntsa Iab⎯ a first-generation Hmoob-American daughter of refugees. A fashion designer, writer, and over-thinker. I recently graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison with my B.S. in Textiles and Fashion Design. These past few months since finishing school have been so bittersweet. Bitter because the job hunt is becoming more and more discouraging as the months go by, but also sweet because I am making time to create and put myself in spaces that contribute to my overall growth. I want to start a blog to document my journey moving forward. To those who are interested, I hope that my posts are of some value to you and I thank you for joining me. I’m constantly on this journey of self-discovery so come along and maybe some of what I say will resonate with you⎯ maybe it won’t. Whatever the case, I ask that you take what I say with a grain of salt. These are my own thoughts that I am sharing with the world. I find it deeply therapeutic to be vulnerable in this kind of space where I can release my inner self to you all. What happens beyond this point is no longer in my control.
Growing up, I never knew what I wanted to be when I “grew up”. Now here I am, “grown-up”⎯ I suppose⎯ with a degree and a published book and, in many ways, I still don’t know. All you really hear before graduation is, “work hard and finish your degree. As long as you get your degree, finding a job will be easier.” In all honesty, it has not been easy. Being almost more than four months post-graduation with no job is quite terrifying. I’ve lost track of the number of job applications I’ve looked at and applied for. It’s left me with questions like: “am I skilled enough?”, “did I really put in enough work in college?”, “why didn’t I do more?”. Everyone talks about working hard, networking, and landing their dream job, but no one tells you about the struggle to get there. No one tells you how to get there.
So here I am, figuring it out one day at a time. If I’ve learned anything during these few short months out of college, it’s that it’s okay to be afraid and it’s okay to not know where you’re headed. As long as you continue moving, every step you take will move you forward. The first thing I told myself when I moved back home from college was that I wasn’t gonna sit at home and do nothing. I’ve been occupying myself with job applications, updating my resume and portfolio, and pushing my book sales. I’ve taken every opportunity I can to promote and sell my books and through these opportunities, I’ve learned that there are so many people willing to help. The first step you have to take though, and quite possibly the easiest step, is showing up. I know how uncomfortable it can be to put yourself out there. However, when you do, there is so much more to gain than there is to lose. When you show up for yourself, others will notice your effort. The overwhelming amount of positive words and people willing to support my creative endeavors have been absolutely uplifting.
Through all of this, yes, I’m still a mess. I have no idea where my life is headed these next few months (or weeks even), but I’m trying. I’m learning all I can and I’m pushing myself to take steps that will foster my growth, no matter how small.